Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Darwin and the Book of Love

There's this guy I should like. He's funny, smart, polite; he'd announce himself as a feminist; he's not un-cute; a co-worker friend praises him for his worshipfulness of me. (I've never been worshipped.) I'm 39. I wouldn't mind another relationship. I wouldn't mind a baby. He could provide these things as well as quiet evenings reading and not talking about NASCAR or deer hunting. People would see us and think we were compatible. A fit.

But here's the thing: he just doesn't do it for me. I haven't been able to pinpoint why. He looks a bit like my cousin Randy, which is a drawback but not a deal breaker. He's not an alpha male, but I've always been partial to betas. He's not particularly ambitious, but then I'm not either. So I've been trying to figure out what the problem is, and yesterday it came to me: he has weird earlobes. They are giant. Too thick. Too wide. Too jutty-outty. You haven't seen earlobes like this before.

My cousin's wife once told me--in front of him--that I was single because I was too picky. The implication seemed to be that she hadn't been and had reaped the rewards. (I tend to think it was my cousin who wasn't picky enough.) For the record, I don't believe I am too picky. I do think if you are talking about something like a relationship that might end only when death doth part you, you should be choosy. Careful. Selective.

Which brings me to Darwin. Am I too picky? Recent evidence points to it. Or does something happen on a subconscious level--a molecular level--where we are able to recognize what would be a bad concoction of DNA? Perhaps a person with giant earlobes and a person with an abnormally large Irish American head shouldn't do anything that could potentially result in a big-headed kid with earlobes so massive you could figure your taxes on them. Seriously. This would be a child who couldn't get into a Toyota Prius.

It's not a theory based in scientific reason, but I like to think I'm not _that_ picky, not doing anything a bunch of turtles and blue footed boobies in the Galapagos wouldn't do.

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